Dear Comrades,

Massive Mutant Journalism mayhem from the morose metropolis of Milledgeville! I have not written in a while - have been lazy/busy with school. I figure I'll get back to it with non-fiction before re-entering Ramone's turgid world.

I took the pharmacy admissions test. I'm in the 94th percentile for the country. I made dean's list again. Excitement - I have a real chance of being admitted to UGA and leaving this town forever! I blame the way the residents of this town behave on the combination of inbreeding and the phosphates in the water supply.

Last Friday - am driving the shuttle. My girlfriend's keeping me company.

Radio squawks: "Everybody get over to the green house across from the station! We've got a hanging victim!"

I thought I misheard - thought it was hit n' run or shooting or something. I was incorrect - a student about to graduate killed himself. We average about one student a semester dying/getting killed. In fall, we had a student stabbed. The guy who stabbed him stayed with him - the cops didn't care. He's now awaiting trial for 1st degree murder. This town - murderers aren't even smart enough to try to get away.

Dig:
Girlfriend came up to me a month ago with an investment scheme that co-workers were trying to get her into. I checked it out - would make a %3000 profit in one year. Drug dealers don't make that much, much less a legitimate company. Ponzi/pyramid scheme! And being the cautious individual I am, I put $600 in. And doubled my money in a month. This is gambling - instead of betting against someone else, I am betting that the site won't stop getting new members and collapse before I make a profit. Having already made back my initial bet, I'm okay and any profit is gravy. I can't recommend this to any of my friends because of the risk - it can go under at anytime.

Check it:
I park across the street from the gym this morning to go to my weight lifting class. The class lets out - cops are writing tickets and having cars towed. They say that the parking spots we're in are tow away zones unless you're a park guest. They towed my car without knowing if I was going for a jog in the park. I decided not to argue - they're trying to justify their salaries. They made about $150 off me and the same for the other students. I am more than a little fucking mad about this.

In chapter 16, I wrote about the Enigmatic Troll using kudzu seeds to destroy farmland. Kudzu is the ultimate plant in Georgia, able to grow about 60 feet in one season. It climbs up trees and kills them. Nothing else can grow in a kudzu bed. The roots go six-eight feet into the soil. It takes about three years to destroy a kudzu bed as normal herbicides won't kill it.

What if some resident in Milledgeville got fed up with the insane parking laws and general decay of this town? (Why the fuck do we have four state prisons and the country's second largest insane asylum?) What if he decided to destroy by creating life? What if he was inspired by my chapter and ordered a thousand kudzu seeds off the internet and planted them in the city park/police station lawn/in front of city hall? Just think of how expensive for the town it would be to remove all of that kudzu.

Of course, I wouldn't do anything like that. That would be bad. It's just fun to imagine.

Best Wishes!